I am a narcissist who likes to listen to myself, so standby for a long email.
I didn’t say much at the farewell lunch last week because I felt I would have to say things too concisely, which wouldn’t have conveyed the heartfelt thanks I feel towards the people here.
I’ll start by saying what I like most about our department. In all my tours before this, my predominant feeling of the jobs was “meaningful” and “fulfilling” - but never “enjoyable”. That would be stretching it. But here, everything about the experience – the people, the work and the office space – has been thoroughly enjoyable. It was truly a dream job.
A key reason why my decision to leave the organisation was difficult was because it was hard to leave this department. It was hard to leave the people here. The most telling indication of an office’s work atmosphere is whether people are happy to spend time with one another outside work. Many of us don’t mind, and in fact look forward to it. That’s the clearest sign that we have transcended from being colleagues to friends. Few other places can boast of such a working climate. This is something I will miss dearly.
The main feedback I will leave behind is that our department and our psychologists should see ourselves beyond just psychologists. A good psychologist isn’t just one who understands the immediate confines of our profession – but also the environment within which we work. I find that sometimes, we are overly hard-nosed with academic and scientific rigour, to the extent that others think we live in a different world. McDonalds is successful not because it makes good burgers – one can easily find hawker centre stalls that make better burgers. McDonalds is successful because it knows their business depends not just on burgers, but also happy meals, birthday parties, toys, and restaurant locations. If McDonalds only focuses on its burgers, it wouldn’t have come half as far. The skills we learn as a psychologist won’t distinguish us from the scores of psychologists out there. The skills we learn in adapting and applying psychology to our environment is what we will set us and the department apart from the rest.
I also took this chance to reflect on what my achievements are. I think I have made inroads into the AF, played my part in re-organising the department, and did my fair share as a Branch Head providing guidance and comments. But personally, none of these gave me great satisfaction. Instead, I consider my greatest achievements to be in pushing for overseas surveys, allowing especially our RAs to widen their exposure and experience, and in convincing the decision-makers of the need for us all to have Microsoft Office. There was another item which would have made it into this list but for various reasons I failed to push that through – to ask for better and more ergonomic chairs. If there is something I hope someone will continue after I leave, it is the watching out for these seemingly minor things that have nothing to do with one’s promotion or ranking but which goes a long way to affect everyone’s day-to-day lives.
Most importantly now, my words of thanks.
Given my intense sort of personality, one can’t really be neutral about me. You either like me or dislike me. If anyone could not accept me, I won’t apologise, because I do things that serve higher and longer-term objectives. My ambitions have always been for the department and the organisation, not self-serving. On the other hand, for those who did not mind my frank and sometimes brutal comments, thank you for your understanding and tolerance.
I also want to thank everyone for the kind words you left in my farewell scrap book. The effort that went into some of them was touching – such things make me feel that the time and effort I invested into our friendships is really worth it. My approach in work as in personal life is to pursue things wholeheartedly as long as I believe in it. Sometimes when it doesn’t work out, it hurts. But when it does, the feeling is the best in the world. I felt on reading the scrapbook that every second I’ve spent in the department has been worth the while. I could not have asked for a better gift. It is a gift I will find myself still flipping through 20 years later.
Individually, there are so many people I am grateful to and it’s not possible to thank all. But I thought about the top 3 persons whom if I don’t single out, I cannot sleep in peace tonight. The first is boss. Thank you boss, for giving me the freedom and autonomy to decide how to work with the AF. I have said to others before that if I have to rate you on a 7-point scale, I would give you a high 6. This is the highest score I’ve given to any of my former bosses.
The second person is my staff LW. Thanks for being a great assistant, handling things in my absence and keeping my feet on the ground. You’re probably the only person in this department who can write a full paper without a single thing that needs to be changed, which makes my work extremely easy.
The third person is Ayl. Thank you for supporting the AF, for being very intelligent and capable, and being able to carry out taskings with minimal supervision. Workwise, you’re a wonderful staff, and personally, you’re a wonderful friend.
Besides thanks, I also want to name 2 people to apologise to. The first is boss, for being unable to walk with you further in building this department. My decision to leave is something I honestly still feel bad about. I wish you all the best in your efforts to take this department to the next level.
The second is LW. I know my limitations as a supervisor. We have our differences and I know in some cases, I could have tried harder. I hope moving forward, you will find the fulfilment you seek.
And lastly, a word of regret. This is to the RAs and admin staff. I know I have not taken enough effort to reach out to you. I have blamed everything before – the matrix structure, the seating arrangements, the working processes – everything but myself. The truth is, I did not make enough effort. I prioritised my time for other things. It was a choice I made, and one that I regret.
With this, I close my career with an organisation I joined since I was 18. I don’t know if there are greener pastures outside. In life, the critical decisions are always made without full knowledge of the outcomes. I am afraid of the dark but I will walk on, with hope in my heart. I don’t want to reach 50 years old and find myself saying “what if” I had given myself a chance, how different my life could have been. I thank everybody once again for the wonderful time here. Take care and may our paths cross again in the future.
All the best.
P/s. For the final time, for the record, I didn’t cheat in the Amazing Race. My team was creative and we worked around the rules.
