Actions and Reactions

Every action of an insecure person is taken to directly or indirectly prevent, minimise, or salvage the loss of self-esteem.

Every reaction stems, directly or indirectly, from the lack of self-esteem.

The Misfortunes of Friends

Introspect, go beyond your socially conditioned reactions, and touch your inmost senses. You'll probably find, indeed, the same instincts that led the French essayist to say that the misfortunes of friends are not entirely displeasing.

Think of how you felt about:

A friend who scored badly in a test in school.
A friend who failed to land that plump job.
A friend whose business venture failed.
A friend whose kid did not make it into the top school.
A friend who is going to be retrenched.
A friend who failed his interview.
A friend who got rejected by that hunk/babe.

Such is the insecure state of our being. An existence where our self-worth is measured by our success, usually relative to others, and how we are perceived.

Achievers and insecurity

A friend just told me that McKinsey employs insecure people.

But McKinsey is an internationally reputed consultancy. Why would they do that? Aren't insecure people supposed to be low in self-esteem and possibly even clinical?

Ah, that's where you're wrong.

I don't know the truth about the statement about McKinsey. But if it is, I'm not surprised at all.

The conventional stereotype denounces insecurity as something bad. According to Wikipedia, it is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving oneself to be unloved, inadequate, or worthless.

What this leads to is a fear of failure.

Insecure people fear failure. This failure is defined broadly as an inability to achieve the things one wants. In work terms, it is the fear of not delivering. In relationship terms, it is the fear of not getting the person one wants. Insecure people fear failure, because failure reinforces their sense of unease and inadequacy.

But it is a fear that drives a person to need to achieve. It consumes him everyday, in everything he does, and at nearly every moment. It is a powerful, compulsive emotion - the sort that can engulf and drive a person to commit extreme acts. Everytime he achieves what he seeks to achieve, he survives that fear. The achievement, then, offsets some of his insecurity.

You can hence imagine that many high achievers are in fact insecure beings.

Insecurity produces, basically, unhappy achievers.

Insecurity

Insecurity... a topic close to my heart.

I'll start with something provocative. Someone once said: "There is something not entirely displeasing about the misfortune of a good friend".

If you identify with this statement, you are insecure.